Chapter 1: Vienna
It took me eight years to walk with my husband, the cellist Gu Huaichuan, from a locked room and several suicide attempts to the Golden Hall in Vienna. In the worst year, he could not hold his bow. I found him again and again in rooms he had locked from the inside, and I sat with him through every collapse. He wrote his first complete piece for me and called it "My Most Beloved." He said that as long as I wanted to hear it, he would play it for the rest of his life. Then he became famous. His schedule filled with concerts around the world. He was so busy that he could spare ten minutes a week for me. Every time those ten minutes came, I asked him to play "My Most Beloved" again. He always closed his eyes and said, "Performances are exhausting. I do not want to bring work home." I felt sorry for him. I never asked again. Then on a Saturday I was sent to Vienna on assignment. After the concert, when the audience had gone, I heard the melody in the empty hall. My husband sat at center stage, playing "My Most Beloved" over and over. His assistant, Lin Zhixia, was asleep in the first row. Someone told him to rest. He looked at her and said softly, "It is all right. She likes it." He played for three hours. So he was not tired. He simply did not want to play it for me.